Thinking about blogging about this i thought about whether to write or not. Then i remembered this is my space to write.
You see we all have skeletons in closet, and yes i have many. But i am not standing for public office nor seeking power. i may not have proper education but i have life experience, this wont help me get a cushy top paying job, but it make me survive.
I was abused by both my parents from at least the age of 6, My Father abused me sexually, my Mother turned a blind eye then allowed others to have there turn. You saw in earlier post i run away to central London, well this is why.
I will not go into graphic details as this blog will be too long.
Whenever my mother went to church my father used to come into my bedroom and abuse me (it was that or getting shoved down stairs). I was not alone in this happening this to them. Before this ended i was then passed on to another relative and friends to be used at weekends for sex. I started to miss school, misbehave, cry all night, then one day i run away , i run as fast as i could, i didn't care if my feet hurt i ran , then ran and kept running till i found *safety*. in a brief day of safety i was ended up at a hostel in south London however they wouldn't accept me as i was under 16, i then i got directed to another hostel that i blagged into, was warm but never slept as was in a room with others, I was scared.
I was then told at this hostel to go and claim benefits, Being under 16 you cant, so then to the streets....
The streets were cold and scary, not paved with gold, i was alone and scared, i slept in doorsteps and whoever offered me a bed ( even if it meant sex), I went from hell into hell, i then started taking drugs to try and comfort the pain, it worked but not enough. I ended up with old men having forced sex on a nightly event ( even during the day), but i was so desperate for food and a roof that it didn't matter.
See i needed to survive, and that's what i did.
Hope you all had that choice.
(the next ten years slowly improved, another blogpost will come soon on this)
Well I suppose, Billy, that as we that follow you on twitter and via your blog find you a very pleasant and combative yet respectful correspondent, we would hope that these experiences don't hold you back.
ReplyDeleteOff to sleep now.
I had sensed before that you were pretty tough, taking the torrent of mockery that was heaped on you when you commented on Guido (and got banned for your pains). But I didn't know you were that tough. You have survived where tens of thousands gave up and died, and now you are employed and surrounded by friends, even if some of them are only at the end of an internet connection. It takes great strength of character to get through a youth like that -- and it takes a different kind of courage to write about it afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI havent been banned from Guidos site.
DeleteBut the name 'Billy' is. I just tested this.
DeleteThe name has. the person hasnt.
DeleteThen keep on truckin',
DeleteTruckin' on down the line (hey hey hey),
I said, Keep on truckin',
Truckin' my blues away.
To be honest, I'm struggling to come up with a comment that does justice to your btave and moving post, Billy.
ReplyDeleteFuck - "brave and moving" doesn't even begin to describe it.
You have my complete and utter respect, friendship (for what it's worth), and admiration.
I hope to be able to leave a better comment tomorrow.
All the best. You're a bigger man than me.
So many in our society can, sadly, swop stories with you; your story is hardly unique, which is of course not to minimise it at all, but rather to call our attention to the young 15-year-old Billys and Billie Jo's out there repeating the sad process of setting out on their own into a world which is uninviting and hardly less dangerous than the one being abandoned. Some, as with you. eventually find their way, and some only find a way to HM Prison or the autopsy room. How you got from there to here is the part I'll be excited to read. Even if it's "I woke up one day, realised I was sick and tired of BEING 'sick and tired' and resolved as of that day to start kicking life's arse instead of waiting for it to kick mine" (i.e. a fairly standard self-help mantra), it is YOUR story, what didn't destroy you strengthened you, and that sort of story is never a dull read. Keep on keeping on, mate!
ReplyDeleteI endorse everything that has been said above.
ReplyDeleteTo it, I would like to add a small but important observation.
You use the term skeletons in closet.
There are lots of definitions, here is one: 'A skeleton in the closet' undoubtedly originated as an allusion to an apparently irreproachable person or family having a guilty secret waiting to be uncovered..
Here is the point Billy: You don't have a guilty secret. You have been sinned against rather than sinned. There is no skeleton in your cupboard. You will doubtless remember me telling you of an unpleasant experience I had in my youth which is dwarfed by your experience. I would not have stood up to what you did.
You are a strong, proud, independent person. You are this because you are a self-starter.
I hope the hell which you referred to were not the same people as mentioned above but it is not my place to pry in these circumstances.
One final thought. I have a rage onslaught against a state system which removed children from perfectly good parents (often for political reasons) whilst at the same time totally failing you. That is truly evil.
A very important point well made, SC.
Deletevery brave blog and very sad childhood if u can call it that.....i was abused at boarding school but i guess i allowed it as it made me feel loved. was then raped by 2 older men after going to a party at 17 and accepting a lift home by somebody at the party and i then had to go to the old bailey and give evidence and see them basically walk away free.I have managed to get on with my life....but the memories will never fade or ever being able to trust people 100%. I wont give my name but your a friend on twitter and a very supportive one.
ReplyDeleteWOW Bill. You are just so brave. Not only have you survived but you've become a good human bein. That took much inner strength and I'm proud that the internet gives me the chance to read your blog talk to you.
ReplyDeleteMoving post, Billy. It is your honesty that is so appealing. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteHi Billy, I saw a link to your blog on A Tangled Web.
ReplyDeleteWell done for telling your tale. I hope it helped you handle it, Im sure reading it will help anyone who has had similar bad luck.
Remember: you are stronger than those that hurt you - morally and mentally.
Courage; and keep up the good work, lad.
Noel
As has been said above, there are no skeletons in any closet there, just a bad hand from the off and a tough time coming through. That you did is hugely admirable. It's a brave thing also to tell the story.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
PM
There, but for the grace of God, go all of us. Billy, I am sure you have strengthened many people with your words.
ReplyDeleteHere is where I might have previously jumped in without a care in the world as I did some pages ago in asking you why you left home.
ReplyDeleteNow I ask this in sheer trepidation, unaware of what hornet's nest I might disturb by careless questioning:
Why do those from hell snipe about your car?
*You don't have to answer this!*
I salute your bravery and hope that being able to write about your feelings will help you come to terms with the terrible thinks don to you in your childhood, especially by those people you should have been able to trust.
ReplyDeleteFor sure your strength will be an inspiration to other people who have had similar experiences.
DaithiO
The abused won't end up the abuser
ReplyDelete