Monday, 7 May 2012

My Past (part 2)

Living in care.

After a few days at safe house (refuge for children) i was sent to a children's home in my local authority, Now apart from this being a loopy idea (returning child near to where they were abused) i had my own room (with a lock), my own bed and access to bathroom.

At first it seemed safe, nice smiley staff, cooked meals and interaction with adults that don't want to abuse you. I felt dirty, like a worthless piece of shit, used to being someones sex toy. I had no clothes (apart from those i as wearing , tho those had holes and stunk of piss), The first thing i done when they had gone tho rules and showed me where everything was, was to take my clothes and spend a few hours in the shower. I still carried in my mind every incident of being abused, being forced to preform sex acts for somewhere to sleep, I still felt dirty tho.

I spent the next few weeks hiding in my room with the door locked and windows shut ( i didn't want bad people in there) , i only had food because a member of staff brought it to my room, i had lived like a savage for so long i never knew how to have a normal life (whatever normal means). They tried to get me to go to school but they hardly get me out my room ( i used to shower in middle of night or early morning so i could avoid people).

It took me about a month before i met another resident, this was awkward, i panicked and run into my room, i had got used to being in a room that i could control, people had scared so much in life that i hated people.

After two months i finally had courage to go down and ate my dinner with other residents, I lasted 10 Min's , then back to my room ( they were all nice, but that view was to be smashed a few weeks later). So over next few days i spent a little bit longer outside my room and with other residents.

One day a resident asked if i wanted to go to one of their friends place for a little while ( i had been over to shops so felt over confident), I said yes and of we went, the booze quickly come out when i got there, Hell i was back where i had come from, i had my clothes taken off and in no time i was being abused sexually, i was a bit drunk but still remember the penis get forced up my arse and in my mouth. I was given a drink by the person that brought me there and they said "you are used to it so stop complaining", i was then threatened, punch and kicked out.

I went back to the children's home, i never told them what happened , i haven't told many people.

This is just one incident that happened while in children's home..


  1. Really sorry for you. Hope things are better now and thanks for the courage to write things down. God bless.

  2. Yes, very good. Strange how women abusing boys is downplayed by officialdom and the media, too.

  3. You came a long way for you to disclose something like that, good on you well done. This earth is full of she and he devil's.