My Past (part 2)

Living in care.

After a few days at safe house (refuge for children) i was sent to a children's home in my local authority, Now apart from this being a loopy idea (returning child near to where they were abused) i had my own room (with a lock), my own bed and access to bathroom.

At first it seemed safe, nice smiley staff, cooked meals and interaction with adults that don't want to abuse you. I felt dirty, like a worthless piece of shit, used to being someones sex toy. I had no clothes (apart from those i as wearing , tho those had holes and stunk of piss), The first thing i done when they had gone tho rules and showed me where everything was, was to take my clothes and spend a few hours in the shower. I still carried in my mind every incident of being abused, being forced to preform sex acts for somewhere to sleep, I still felt dirty tho.

I spent the next few weeks hiding in my room with the door locked and windows shut ( i didn't want bad people in there) , i only had food because a member of staff brought it to my room, i had lived like a savage for so long i never knew how to have a normal life (whatever normal means). They tried to get me to go to school but they hardly get me out my room ( i used to shower in middle of night or early morning so i could avoid people).

It took me about a month before i met another resident, this was awkward, i panicked and run into my room, i had got used to being in a room that i could control, people had scared so much in life that i hated people.

After two months i finally had courage to go down and ate my dinner with other residents, I lasted 10 Min's , then back to my room ( they were all nice, but that view was to be smashed a few weeks later). So over next few days i spent a little bit longer outside my room and with other residents.

One day a resident asked if i wanted to go to one of their friends place for a little while ( i had been over to shops so felt over confident), I said yes and of we went, the booze quickly come out when i got there, Hell i was back where i had come from, i had my clothes taken off and in no time i was being abused sexually, i was a bit drunk but still remember the penis get forced up my arse and in my mouth. I was given a drink by the person that brought me there and they said "you are used to it so stop complaining", i was then threatened, punch and kicked out.

I went back to the children's home, i never told them what happened , i haven't told many people.

This is just one incident that happened while in children's home..